Four Principles of Effective Communication

Here it comes again. It slipped your mind and now it is time for the “Talk!” And, just like the last time you had the “Talk” this one will end the same way. You feeling further from what you actually

wanted to say and the wounds from the last conversation spit open again.

I bet you wish that you could just speak your mind and not worry about it being taken the wrong way. Is that right? Just for once couldn’t they just see what you see? You are not alone and you are among good company. Communication has always been a struggle for people. Communication has cost the lives and millions and in a different situation saved nations. 

By applying correct principles in communication you have the best opportunity of positive results and will feel more confortable saying what you really feel with out the fear of it being taken the wrong way. Following are four principles* that you can apply to all of your conversation and you will experience better out comes from your “talks.”

1) Rapport – The quality of the relationship

When applying the principle of rapport in your conversations you need to establish mutual trust and responsiveness. You can gain rapport by striving to understand and respect how others see the world around them. Image that you are speaking their language. You know if you have good rapport because others will feel acknowledged and will be more responsive. This is something that you can do instantly and as you build rapport, with time, it will turn in to trust.

2) End Results – Know what you want

How many conversations have you had where there is no clear outcome? It happens all to often. When you know what you want out of the conversation and can voice it in the simplest way possible then you will have the highest probability of getting those results. You can discover want you want to achieve by understanding three basic elements:

a) Know your present situation – where you are now.

b) Know your desired situation – where you want to be

c) Plan your strategy – how to get from one to the other, using the resources you have or creating new ones.

3) Feedback – how will you know you are getting what you want?

When you know what you want from the conversation then you will need to pay attention to the responses you are getting, both verbal and non-verbal. That will help you know what to do next. Ask your self: What are you paying attention to? Is your feedback both precise and accurate? You will know the answer by focusing on what you are looking at, listening to and feeling. The saying, trust your gut, is true in conversations. In this world, our senses are all we have to make sense of our surroundings. You will know if you are on track or not by paying attention to the feed back you get through your acute awareness and senses. 

4) Flexibility – If what you are doing is not working, then do something else

When you know what you want and what you are getting and they are not aligning, then do not continue doing the same things. Try something new. The more choices you have, of emotional state, communication style and perspective, the better your results. If you do not feel like you have very many resources to pull from, then take time to review this blog and learn more about the skills that you can use to be more flexible in conversations. 

Speak up and watch as the world gives you their ears! Let me know how you are applying these principles to your conversations and the results that you experience.

*These four principles expounded upon in greater detail in the NLP Work book by Joseph O’Connor.