Don't be this guy... Listen up!

 "He looked me right in the eyes when he asked me out. I could have sworn he was a good listener!" 

Let's be honest, have you ever been this guy? <<<<< 

I have and I was this guys yesterday and the day before. Today I'm not going to be him.

My wife means everything to me. In a few months she will make a father! So, why am I missing out on more than half of what she is saying to me while I'm busy checking what's new on social media and how many people actually looked at this post?! 

"Wait a second?! You said that you are missing out on over HALF of what your wife is saying... you're a jerk!" Ok, yes I said that. And, you are not so guilt free either. 

You see when you are "listening" with your ears and your eyes are on a device, you are missing out on the most critical part of communication: NON-VERBALS! 

It happens all to often. Sitting at the dinner table playing flappy bird, checking emails, seeing how many likes you have Facebook... and the list goes on... and on... and on! 

You can be best multi tasking listener ever but while you are doing that, your eyes are averted from the speaker and you miss out on the real meaning behind the words. Meaning is derived from non-verbals.

Depending on the Social Scientist, (Mehrabian/Ferris), non-verbals make up any where from 55% to 93% of all communication. The most famous numbers in communication is the 7 - 38 - 55. When you hear about non-verbal percentages, most of the time the number is 93%. Check out the graph below. Pure non-verbals make up 55% and 38% is everything else besides the words. Together you get 93%. 

I agree that in communication you have to consider the 3 C's:
1) Context
2) Clusters
3) Congruence
and when it comes to listening while using electronic devices, you miss out on everything the non-verbals bring to the table and you get less than half of what is really being said.  I'll use text to demonstrate what you actually get from a speaker while you are on your iPhone. 

It looks something like this:

"The ....  day I .... and ... dress .... wonderful .... to have .... spent ...ion dollars!" 

Just the other day I was working on the computer and at the same time having a "conversation" with my wife. She was talking about her work party and before that she had mentioned something about a doctors appointment. Of course when she asked what I thought, only catching half of what she said, my brain made me say the wrong thing! She replied, "You are a  good listener and right now you're not listening!"

I closed my laptop, gave her my full attention, and looked her in the eyes and said, "What?!"

Today, I invite you to make a commitment with me and we'll hold each other accountable:  

I will make the people around me priority # 1 by putting aside my phone, tablet, laptop, or whatever the distraction may be and I will listen with both my ears and my eyes! 

Are you in?