Don't be this guy... Listen up!

 "He looked me right in the eyes when he asked me out. I could have sworn he was a good listener!" 

Let's be honest, have you ever been this guy? <<<<< 

I have and I was this guys yesterday and the day before. Today I'm not going to be him.

My wife means everything to me. In a few months she will make a father! So, why am I missing out on more than half of what she is saying to me while I'm busy checking what's new on social media and how many people actually looked at this post?! 

"Wait a second?! You said that you are missing out on over HALF of what your wife is saying... you're a jerk!" Ok, yes I said that. And, you are not so guilt free either. 

You see when you are "listening" with your ears and your eyes are on a device, you are missing out on the most critical part of communication: NON-VERBALS! 

It happens all to often. Sitting at the dinner table playing flappy bird, checking emails, seeing how many likes you have Facebook... and the list goes on... and on... and on! 

You can be best multi tasking listener ever but while you are doing that, your eyes are averted from the speaker and you miss out on the real meaning behind the words. Meaning is derived from non-verbals.

Depending on the Social Scientist, (Mehrabian/Ferris), non-verbals make up any where from 55% to 93% of all communication. The most famous numbers in communication is the 7 - 38 - 55. When you hear about non-verbal percentages, most of the time the number is 93%. Check out the graph below. Pure non-verbals make up 55% and 38% is everything else besides the words. Together you get 93%. 

I agree that in communication you have to consider the 3 C's:
1) Context
2) Clusters
3) Congruence
and when it comes to listening while using electronic devices, you miss out on everything the non-verbals bring to the table and you get less than half of what is really being said.  I'll use text to demonstrate what you actually get from a speaker while you are on your iPhone. 

It looks something like this:

"The ....  day I .... and ... dress .... wonderful .... to have .... spent ...ion dollars!" 

Just the other day I was working on the computer and at the same time having a "conversation" with my wife. She was talking about her work party and before that she had mentioned something about a doctors appointment. Of course when she asked what I thought, only catching half of what she said, my brain made me say the wrong thing! She replied, "You are a  good listener and right now you're not listening!"

I closed my laptop, gave her my full attention, and looked her in the eyes and said, "What?!"

Today, I invite you to make a commitment with me and we'll hold each other accountable:  

I will make the people around me priority # 1 by putting aside my phone, tablet, laptop, or whatever the distraction may be and I will listen with both my ears and my eyes! 

Are you in?

Social Media - Clint Post

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The True Meaning of "Happy Holidays"

Tis' the season to be jolly!

With out fail, year after year, during this season of jolly there are those who like to fight over who is right and who is wrong. You know whom I'm talking about. Those Atheists trying to take Christ out of Christmas and the liberals trying force us to tolerate others by saying "Happy Holidays" rather than a hearty "HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas!"

It actually got to me this year. I cannot let this one pass. You have to know the true meaning of Happy Holidays and how I came to learn its true meaning. I believe understanding its true meaning will take the fight out of us and actually make this season more jolly for everyone, yes, even for the Atheists, liberals, conservatives, and religious advocates.  

It all started a long time ago, give or take 2 weeks, when I was a guest on "TalkingPoint" a TV program in Southern Utah. The topic of the show was "The War on Christmas!" The extremely cogent show hosts, who happen to stand on opposite ends of just about every thing from religion to politics, discussed Christmas. 

You could tell that blood was boiling for some of the guests at the show. During a segment where guests participated there was a strong opinion that Christmas is being attacked and it should just be left alone, followed by a rhetorical question, "What would the world be like with out Christmas?" If you are wondering, I too voiced my opinion. It was a different opinion than the one that I have now. That's the strange thing about opinions; they can change, especially through experience and learning.

It was the question that stuck with me. "What would the world be like with out Christmas?" As I thought about it a few things come to mind:

• Christmas has only been around for about 1500 -1700 years.
• Today Christmas is celebrated in some parts of the world but not everywhere.
• With some exceptions only Christians celebrate Christmas
• Every one else celebrates their own holidays.

Based on PewResearch, Christians only make up 31.5% of the worlds population. Additional research shows that in the United States anywhere between 73-77% are Christian. In Central and South America Christians make up over 90% of the population. 

So what does all this mean? Christians are the majority in the States so the other ~25% should just go with the flow, Right? No. It means that 1 in 4 of the people around you have no sentimental value tied to the phrase, "Merry Christmas." If you live in a tourist heavy city, it means that 2 out 3 people are likely to not believe in Christ and for them Christmas is just a foreign celebration for Christians. Now don't let your automatic attitudinal response over run your hypothalamus. 

Take a big breath, Breath In... Breath out... I just did and it felt good! 

Just last Monday I was at Toastmasters, a public speaking club that will change our life, and during a segment of the meeting a member shared a story. My friend, Jon, told about the tradition of Hanukkah and it's ties back to Judas Maccabeus and the Maccabean Revolt against the Seleucid Empire of the 2nd century BC. This small group wanted to free the temple of the Syrian-Greek Army and with God on their side they went back to Jerusalem and fought like lions! The Syrian-Greek Army was one of the mightiest of its day, yet this small group forced them out of the land and was able to rededicate the Temple. 

Hanukkah Candelabrum

The story goes that they had just enough oil for one day, but through a miracle it lasted 8 days, enough time for more oil to be brought to the temple. That's why Hanukkah is celebrated over 8 days and the middle candle is used to light the 8 candles (over the period of 8 days) on either side of it. That was the first time I had ever heard that story. I also learned that my friend was Jewish and celebrated Hanukkah. 

During our conversation he mentioned that he was going to build a large Candelabrum (a 9 candle stand) for his front yard and we started throwing ideas about how to make it. After the conversation it occurred to me that I did not know the appropriate salutation for Hanukkah. He said, "Happy Hanukkah." So, I said to my friend, "Happy Hanukkah!" Jon, knowing that I am a Christian, responded, "Merry Christmas!" We embraced and went about our day.

Before last Monday hearing people say "Happy Hanukkah" was humorous, because all I knew about Hanukkah was the Adam Sandler Song. After spending the day thinking about it, my paradigm changed. I considered these questions:

• Does the phrase, "Happy Hanukkah" mean anything to me?
• Does the phrase, "Merry Yule" mean anything to me? 

For some they will carry some sort of meaning. The phrase "Merry Yule" might be joyous or offensive for some. For most those phrases are just strange words using the well known "Happy and Merry." Both are holidays celebrated during or near Christmas time. If one or both of the phrases didn't stir any kind of sentiment, think about that for a second. Not having a sentimental value tied to a phrase makes it meaningless. The same thing occurs for 1/4 of the people around you when they hear the phrase, "Merry Christmas." 

Realizing that made me wonder what can be said to those who I don't know well enough to know what they celebrate? It occurred that we have another phrase that can and should having jolly sentimental feeling to everyone. "Happy Holidays!" 

Happy Holidays does not take Christ out of Christmas. It's quite the opposite; it puts Christ into Christmas for every one that celebrates the Holiday of Christmas. What's more, it brings the thoughts of Hanukkah to those who celebrate Hanukkah. It does the same for those who celebrate Yule. "Happy Holidays" includes everyone that celebrates during the season to be jolly! 

To include every one, isn't that the spirit of Christ? The next time you hear a cashier or a school teacher say, "Happy Holidays!" remember they are including every one no matter what they celebrate. And you can do the same by replying, "Happy Holidays!" The bigger challenge is to act in such a way that every one around you will have happier holidays because of you! That is the true meaning of "Happy Holidays!" 

FYI:

If you jump on Google and search "Holidays Celebrated in December" you will find that there over 40 different holidays celebrated.

Here is a basic list of holidays celebrated in December as found on Wikipedia

25 words of wisdom that will make your life better.

Some times you take life to seriously. Other times you do not take it serious enough. Below is a list of 25 words of wisdom that will help you balance out life.

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.



My favorite is #25. Being able to laugh at yourself will help you get over the past, that you can never change, and enjoy the future that is always changing.


Which word of wisdom is your favorite and why?

Four Principles of Effective Communication

Here it comes again. It slipped your mind and now it is time for the “Talk!” And, just like the last time you had the “Talk” this one will end the same way. You feeling further from what you actually

wanted to say and the wounds from the last conversation spit open again.

I bet you wish that you could just speak your mind and not worry about it being taken the wrong way. Is that right? Just for once couldn’t they just see what you see? You are not alone and you are among good company. Communication has always been a struggle for people. Communication has cost the lives and millions and in a different situation saved nations. 

By applying correct principles in communication you have the best opportunity of positive results and will feel more confortable saying what you really feel with out the fear of it being taken the wrong way. Following are four principles* that you can apply to all of your conversation and you will experience better out comes from your “talks.”

1) Rapport – The quality of the relationship

When applying the principle of rapport in your conversations you need to establish mutual trust and responsiveness. You can gain rapport by striving to understand and respect how others see the world around them. Image that you are speaking their language. You know if you have good rapport because others will feel acknowledged and will be more responsive. This is something that you can do instantly and as you build rapport, with time, it will turn in to trust.

2) End Results – Know what you want

How many conversations have you had where there is no clear outcome? It happens all to often. When you know what you want out of the conversation and can voice it in the simplest way possible then you will have the highest probability of getting those results. You can discover want you want to achieve by understanding three basic elements:

a) Know your present situation – where you are now.

b) Know your desired situation – where you want to be

c) Plan your strategy – how to get from one to the other, using the resources you have or creating new ones.

3) Feedback – how will you know you are getting what you want?

When you know what you want from the conversation then you will need to pay attention to the responses you are getting, both verbal and non-verbal. That will help you know what to do next. Ask your self: What are you paying attention to? Is your feedback both precise and accurate? You will know the answer by focusing on what you are looking at, listening to and feeling. The saying, trust your gut, is true in conversations. In this world, our senses are all we have to make sense of our surroundings. You will know if you are on track or not by paying attention to the feed back you get through your acute awareness and senses. 

4) Flexibility – If what you are doing is not working, then do something else

When you know what you want and what you are getting and they are not aligning, then do not continue doing the same things. Try something new. The more choices you have, of emotional state, communication style and perspective, the better your results. If you do not feel like you have very many resources to pull from, then take time to review this blog and learn more about the skills that you can use to be more flexible in conversations. 

Speak up and watch as the world gives you their ears! Let me know how you are applying these principles to your conversations and the results that you experience.

*These four principles expounded upon in greater detail in the NLP Work book by Joseph O’Connor.

Use this simple exercise to make every day the best day…

Two weeks ago I was visiting family in northern Utah. We were going to a historical location. When we arrived I noticed a familiar face pulling things out of trunk of his car right next to where we parked. It was my old friend from College! 

I could not believe that I would run into him at that location. It was a joyful encounter. We connected again and had laughs and shared stories from over the years and then we went our way. I was happy the rest of the day because of that encounter.

Have you ever had a bad day and then, out of the blue, an old friend pops up? It changes every thing. Even though it is unexpected, you go through a rush of emotions and excitement. Those encounters often make the rest of your day the best day and you go home and tell your family and friends about your old friend.

How do you use this to your advantage? It is not likely that you will run into an old friend every day. Luckily you do not have to depend on old friends going out of their way to brighten up your day, you can do that all on your own. When you were thinking

about the last time you ran into an old friend it probably made you smile. The brain has an amazing capacity to experience powerful emotions just from the imagination.

Scientists of discovered that the brain has what is called, “mirror neurons.” These mirror neurons allows us to experience pain with out the injury, success with out the personal accomplishment, and empathy just by watching others experiencing those emotions. Using this technique I will show you how to change your day into the best one and in the process brighten the day for every one around you.

Just by imagining a past experience you can feel the emotions attached to the experience. You can also change how your day to day interactions effect you, for better or worse, by changing how you think about them.

Here is the secret: treat every one like a long lost friend. In your mind you can look at every one and imagine that they are your friend that you have not seen for ages and guess what?! They will respond with the same excitement that you show. Now there is a line. You do not tell a stranger or coworker, “It has been forever since I last saw you.” Obviously that would be weird. But every one around you will mirror the emotions that you feel as experience them your self.

Give it a shot. Treat the next person you run into like your long lost friend and watch the magic happen. Your day will be better and every one around you will have a better day!

Let me know about your experiences.

Surround your self with people that tell you...

"I believe in you!" 

Believe: (as defined by Merriam Webster - Dictionary)

~  to accept or regard (something) as true.

~ to accept the truth of what is said by (someone).

~ to accept something as true, genuine, or real. 

~ to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something (or someone).

~ to consider to be true or honest.

~ to be astounded at.