The True Meaning of "Happy Holidays"

Tis' the season to be jolly!

With out fail, year after year, during this season of jolly there are those who like to fight over who is right and who is wrong. You know whom I'm talking about. Those Atheists trying to take Christ out of Christmas and the liberals trying force us to tolerate others by saying "Happy Holidays" rather than a hearty "HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas!"

It actually got to me this year. I cannot let this one pass. You have to know the true meaning of Happy Holidays and how I came to learn its true meaning. I believe understanding its true meaning will take the fight out of us and actually make this season more jolly for everyone, yes, even for the Atheists, liberals, conservatives, and religious advocates.  

It all started a long time ago, give or take 2 weeks, when I was a guest on "TalkingPoint" a TV program in Southern Utah. The topic of the show was "The War on Christmas!" The extremely cogent show hosts, who happen to stand on opposite ends of just about every thing from religion to politics, discussed Christmas. 

You could tell that blood was boiling for some of the guests at the show. During a segment where guests participated there was a strong opinion that Christmas is being attacked and it should just be left alone, followed by a rhetorical question, "What would the world be like with out Christmas?" If you are wondering, I too voiced my opinion. It was a different opinion than the one that I have now. That's the strange thing about opinions; they can change, especially through experience and learning.

It was the question that stuck with me. "What would the world be like with out Christmas?" As I thought about it a few things come to mind:

• Christmas has only been around for about 1500 -1700 years.
• Today Christmas is celebrated in some parts of the world but not everywhere.
• With some exceptions only Christians celebrate Christmas
• Every one else celebrates their own holidays.

Based on PewResearch, Christians only make up 31.5% of the worlds population. Additional research shows that in the United States anywhere between 73-77% are Christian. In Central and South America Christians make up over 90% of the population. 

So what does all this mean? Christians are the majority in the States so the other ~25% should just go with the flow, Right? No. It means that 1 in 4 of the people around you have no sentimental value tied to the phrase, "Merry Christmas." If you live in a tourist heavy city, it means that 2 out 3 people are likely to not believe in Christ and for them Christmas is just a foreign celebration for Christians. Now don't let your automatic attitudinal response over run your hypothalamus. 

Take a big breath, Breath In... Breath out... I just did and it felt good! 

Just last Monday I was at Toastmasters, a public speaking club that will change our life, and during a segment of the meeting a member shared a story. My friend, Jon, told about the tradition of Hanukkah and it's ties back to Judas Maccabeus and the Maccabean Revolt against the Seleucid Empire of the 2nd century BC. This small group wanted to free the temple of the Syrian-Greek Army and with God on their side they went back to Jerusalem and fought like lions! The Syrian-Greek Army was one of the mightiest of its day, yet this small group forced them out of the land and was able to rededicate the Temple. 

Hanukkah Candelabrum

The story goes that they had just enough oil for one day, but through a miracle it lasted 8 days, enough time for more oil to be brought to the temple. That's why Hanukkah is celebrated over 8 days and the middle candle is used to light the 8 candles (over the period of 8 days) on either side of it. That was the first time I had ever heard that story. I also learned that my friend was Jewish and celebrated Hanukkah. 

During our conversation he mentioned that he was going to build a large Candelabrum (a 9 candle stand) for his front yard and we started throwing ideas about how to make it. After the conversation it occurred to me that I did not know the appropriate salutation for Hanukkah. He said, "Happy Hanukkah." So, I said to my friend, "Happy Hanukkah!" Jon, knowing that I am a Christian, responded, "Merry Christmas!" We embraced and went about our day.

Before last Monday hearing people say "Happy Hanukkah" was humorous, because all I knew about Hanukkah was the Adam Sandler Song. After spending the day thinking about it, my paradigm changed. I considered these questions:

• Does the phrase, "Happy Hanukkah" mean anything to me?
• Does the phrase, "Merry Yule" mean anything to me? 

For some they will carry some sort of meaning. The phrase "Merry Yule" might be joyous or offensive for some. For most those phrases are just strange words using the well known "Happy and Merry." Both are holidays celebrated during or near Christmas time. If one or both of the phrases didn't stir any kind of sentiment, think about that for a second. Not having a sentimental value tied to a phrase makes it meaningless. The same thing occurs for 1/4 of the people around you when they hear the phrase, "Merry Christmas." 

Realizing that made me wonder what can be said to those who I don't know well enough to know what they celebrate? It occurred that we have another phrase that can and should having jolly sentimental feeling to everyone. "Happy Holidays!" 

Happy Holidays does not take Christ out of Christmas. It's quite the opposite; it puts Christ into Christmas for every one that celebrates the Holiday of Christmas. What's more, it brings the thoughts of Hanukkah to those who celebrate Hanukkah. It does the same for those who celebrate Yule. "Happy Holidays" includes everyone that celebrates during the season to be jolly! 

To include every one, isn't that the spirit of Christ? The next time you hear a cashier or a school teacher say, "Happy Holidays!" remember they are including every one no matter what they celebrate. And you can do the same by replying, "Happy Holidays!" The bigger challenge is to act in such a way that every one around you will have happier holidays because of you! That is the true meaning of "Happy Holidays!" 

FYI:

If you jump on Google and search "Holidays Celebrated in December" you will find that there over 40 different holidays celebrated.

Here is a basic list of holidays celebrated in December as found on Wikipedia

Four Principles of Effective Communication

Here it comes again. It slipped your mind and now it is time for the “Talk!” And, just like the last time you had the “Talk” this one will end the same way. You feeling further from what you actually

wanted to say and the wounds from the last conversation spit open again.

I bet you wish that you could just speak your mind and not worry about it being taken the wrong way. Is that right? Just for once couldn’t they just see what you see? You are not alone and you are among good company. Communication has always been a struggle for people. Communication has cost the lives and millions and in a different situation saved nations. 

By applying correct principles in communication you have the best opportunity of positive results and will feel more confortable saying what you really feel with out the fear of it being taken the wrong way. Following are four principles* that you can apply to all of your conversation and you will experience better out comes from your “talks.”

1) Rapport – The quality of the relationship

When applying the principle of rapport in your conversations you need to establish mutual trust and responsiveness. You can gain rapport by striving to understand and respect how others see the world around them. Image that you are speaking their language. You know if you have good rapport because others will feel acknowledged and will be more responsive. This is something that you can do instantly and as you build rapport, with time, it will turn in to trust.

2) End Results – Know what you want

How many conversations have you had where there is no clear outcome? It happens all to often. When you know what you want out of the conversation and can voice it in the simplest way possible then you will have the highest probability of getting those results. You can discover want you want to achieve by understanding three basic elements:

a) Know your present situation – where you are now.

b) Know your desired situation – where you want to be

c) Plan your strategy – how to get from one to the other, using the resources you have or creating new ones.

3) Feedback – how will you know you are getting what you want?

When you know what you want from the conversation then you will need to pay attention to the responses you are getting, both verbal and non-verbal. That will help you know what to do next. Ask your self: What are you paying attention to? Is your feedback both precise and accurate? You will know the answer by focusing on what you are looking at, listening to and feeling. The saying, trust your gut, is true in conversations. In this world, our senses are all we have to make sense of our surroundings. You will know if you are on track or not by paying attention to the feed back you get through your acute awareness and senses. 

4) Flexibility – If what you are doing is not working, then do something else

When you know what you want and what you are getting and they are not aligning, then do not continue doing the same things. Try something new. The more choices you have, of emotional state, communication style and perspective, the better your results. If you do not feel like you have very many resources to pull from, then take time to review this blog and learn more about the skills that you can use to be more flexible in conversations. 

Speak up and watch as the world gives you their ears! Let me know how you are applying these principles to your conversations and the results that you experience.

*These four principles expounded upon in greater detail in the NLP Work book by Joseph O’Connor.

Two of the best things to do in an interview...

Chances are you will be in an interview soon. While there are hundreds of suggestions for nailing your interview they are all conditional and most focus on extroverted type personalities. 

The biggest mistake people make when going into an interview is assuming that the interview is about them. It is not. What the interviewer is looking for is the value that you can bring to the company. In other words, will you bring the company more profits than it expends on you? Just by going into the interview understanding that you are there to prove your worth will make a world of difference in your attitude and confidence. 

These to pointers will help you stand out in your next interview and prove that you are more valuable than all the rest:

1) STAR your answers

2) Make your interviewer think

STAR stands for:

Situation or Task

Action you took

Results you achieved

During your next interview you will be asked questions. This is your time to shine. Let us say that you are applying for a management position and you get asked, “how would you describe your self?” 

Situation: “I would describe my self as a fearless leader for example when I was managing at my last job an employee was constantly coming in late. He was bigger than I was and had been working at the company longer than I did.” 

Action: “Being in management I set up an appointment with him and I expressed my concern about him showing up late for work and asked what was going on. Then I asked how I could help him to come to work on time. I then expressed my appreciation for his hard work and ended the interview by asking what he felt I could do to be a better manager.” 

Results: “As it turned out he offered some good advice and I noticed that as I took his advice he started showing up not only on time but he would show up15 minutes early and worked even harder!” 

The STAR approach can be used on any question. Below are the 50 most asked questions during an interview.* Answer a couple of the questions a day using the STAR approach and keep in mind what the company is looking for so that way your answers align with their needs. 

Make the interviewer think. This technique sets you heads and shoulders above the other applicants. You want the interviewer to think about you as the perfect fit and about the recognition that they will get for having hired such a perfect candidate for the position. You do that by asking a question:

“I’d like you to imagine it is a year from now, and you and your bosses are reviewing the people you have hired this year and when it comes to this position, they say, ‘Get us ten more like that one. That person was one of the best hires we have had in a long time.’ Can you tell me what that person did for her (or him) and you to get such a rave review?”

Another version of the question is:

“Assuming I got the job what would you be seeing me do, let us say six months from now, that lets you know that you made the right choice?”

A couple of things will happen; you will want to watch the interviewers eyes. They will look up and to the corner. That is a sure sign that they are envisioning you as the perfect hire and in addition you are asking them to envision themselves receiving recognition for having hired you. That is powerful. Most will say, “That is a good question, one that I have not considered…” and will either offer some sort of suggestion or say “I will have to get back to you on that.”

The important thing is that you get them think about you being the perfect fit. 

STAR your answer and make your interviewer think. That will set you apart and give you the best chance of landing your dream job or position. Make sure you practice. You should never go into an interview cold turkey and expect to apply these techniques. Grab a friend and tell them what to say or print of this list of questions and give it to them to ask. Write down your responses and be sure to stay in the mindset of what the company holds as a valuable employee.

Let me know how your interviews go and land your dream job!

*The 50 Most Common Interview Questions:

1) What are your strengths?

2) What are your weaknesses?

3) Why are you interested in working for [insert company name here]?

4) Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

5) Why do you want to leave your current company?

6) Why was there a gap in your employment between [insert date] and [insert date]?

7) What can you offer us that someone else can not?

8) What are three things your former manager would like you to improve on?

9) Are you willing to relocate?

10) Are you willing to travel?

11) Tell me about an accomplishment you are most proud of.

12) Tell me about a time you made a mistake.

13) What is your dream job?

14) How did you hear about this position?

15) What would you look to accomplish in the first 30 days/60 days/90 days on the job?

16) Discuss your resume.

17) Discuss your educational background.

18) Describe yourself.

19) Tell me how you handled a difficult situation.

20) Why should we hire you?

21) Why are you looking for a new job?

22) Would you work holidays/weekends?

23) How would you deal with an angry or irate customer?

24) What are your salary requirements?

25) Give a time when you went above and beyond the requirements for a project.

26) Who are our competitors?

27) What was your biggest failure?

28) What motivates you?

29) What’s your availability?

30) Who’s your mentor?

31) Tell me about a time when you disagreed with your boss.

32) How do you handle pressure?

33) What is the name of our CEO?

34) What are your career goals?

35) What gets you up in the morning?

36) What would your direct reports say about you?

37) What were your bosses’ strengths/weaknesses?

38) If I called your boss right now and asked him what is an area that you could improve on, what would he say?

39) Are you a leader or a follower?

40) What was the last book you’ve read for fun?

41) What are your co-worker pet peeves?

42) What are your hobbies?

43) What is your favorite website?

44) What makes you uncomfortable?

45) What are some of your leadership experiences?

46) How would you fire someone?

47) What do you like the most and least about working in this industry?

48) Would you work 40+ hours a week?

49) What questions haven’t I asked you?

50) What questions do you have for me?

10 steps to resolving lingering issues...

Humans are incredibly capable of bouncing back from disasters. When terrible events occur we quickly recover and often times are better than before. Think of the one thing that lingers and increasingly get worse. It is like a cancer. What is that thing? An unspoken problem within a relationship is like a cancer. 

When there is an issue and you do not speak up it lingers and it can be worse than having a loose pebble in your shoe. What unspoken issues are lingering in your relationships, professional or personal, that if resolved today would make your life dramatically better? 

With that issue in mind the fastest way to resolve it is to address now. Speak up! Do not let another day go by with that pebble in your life. It will only get worse. I want you to be happier today than you were yesterday!

Apply the following "10 steps to resolution" to help you speak up, to feel comfortable and confidant when addressing the issue, one conversation at a time. Some of the following steps are derived from the books Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott and Just Listen by Mark Goulston. 


10 steps to resolution

1) Identify the most pressing issue that you want to resolve today.
• Write the issue down in 10 or less words.

2) Clarify the Issue.
• What is going on?
• How long has this been going on?
• How bad are things?
• How does it make you feel?
• How does it make the other person feel?

3) Determine the contributions to the issue
• What is your contribution to the issue? (how)
• What is the contribution of others to the issue? (how)

4) Describe the ideal outcome
• When this issue is resolved what difference will it make?
• What results will you enjoy?
• What results will the other person enjoy?
• When you imagine this resolution what are your emotions?

5) Commit to action
• What is the most potent step you can take to move to resolution?
• What is going to attempt to get in your way and how will you get past it?
• When will you take this step?

6) Schedule a time to Speak up 
• Ask the other person when a time is that you can have his/her full attention
• Schedule the appointment and be sure that you can give your full attention during the scheduled time frame
• Meet at a location where people and objects will not be a distraction

7) Be early and review what you have prepared in steps 1-5
• Calm your nerves and emotions
• Be prepared to listen intently to the other person

8) Thank the other person for meeting with you.

9) Start with why
• Express that you intentions are to resolve a lingering issue that you want to resolve today. 
• Express the benefits that will come from the resolution: “I feel that following this conversation we will….”
• Tell them to feel free to add their input at any time and that you want their happiness above all.

10)  Walk through points 1-5 in an open conversation.
• If the other person interjects listen intently and have a meaningful conversation.


If your conversation takes a left turn to emotional out bursts, use this phrase to bring it back to down to a situation that is more controlled and calm:

“Right now I feel like you are attacking me, and I am guessing you feel like I am attacking you. But in reality I think we are both defending ourselves. So I want you to know that I do not want to hurt you—and I know you do not want to hurt me. If we can start fresh with that agreement in place, I bet we can solve this problem together.”

Following the phrase you can either start back at point 1 or where ever you veered off course. You will ant to walk through the points because the person with whom you are speaking will give you additional insights and help you come to a better resolve then what you may have come up with on your own.



These 10 steps work in every relationship from business to romantic. An example of a business issue using these 10 steps would look like the following:


1) Impossible promises are giving the company a bad name.

2) John, the salesman, is making impossible promises to potential customers while trying to gain their trust and their business. It started last December when we lost a big client and the company was pressuring the salesmen to get new clients in order to pick up the slack. Every broken promise makes everyone look bad. We are losing money and the trust of potential customers. It makes me feel like a liar and a jerk trying to make every one do things that they know are against the company regulations in order to come as close as possible to the promises made. It frustrates John because he feels like we are all against him.

3) I try to make both John and the company happy but it always ends with no one being happy. John does not listen when I try to tell him that we can not meet his demands.

4) When this is resolved the company will be able to meet and exceed the promises made and potential customers will have a better experience when we come through on our end. I will feel less stressed about pushing every one beyond company regulations and less worried about getting into trouble. John will feel like we are all a team and that we can accomplish anything. When I imagine this outcome it makes me feel excited and invigorated to work together.

5) I can create an outline of what is possible and not possible for the team to accomplish so that way John will know what he can promise the customers. I can set down with John and review what is happening and the solution that I came up with. John will feel like we are attacking him and that we don’t like him. I will make sure that he knows that we all want to be successful and that when one fails we all fail and that we all want him to succeed! I will create the outline and schedule a time to talk with him tomorrow.

6) – 10) As outlined above.

“The not talking is getting louder and louder and soon it will be deafening.” Do not let the lack of conversation mute your relationships. Life will get better one conversation at a time! 

Let me know how your conversation and resolutions improve your life. Send me a message if you need help finding a way to bring up a specific issue in your conversation. Each conversation is different and may take some more preparation, but do not procrastinate. Your happiness is just a few words away!